Duo Giving 'The Talk' to Heero
by Cynthia and Mari-chan
Summary: Just a little scene where Duo is trying to explain sex to Heero. Disconnected scene. Not really part of anything


I have no idea what this is, it just came to me the other night as I was trying to sleep. There wasn't enough paper in my room to write it down, so I crept downstairs in the middle of the night to write it on the computer. Unfortunately, it took long enough to get it down that I had mostly forgotten how the last half went. So I must admit, it didn't come out a tenth as funny as it was when it came to me. I really need to get a voice recorder, to get it all out quickly, before it's lost...

Duo Giving 'The Talk' to Heero

And so Heero found himself sitting with Duo in his kitchen, eating the lunch Hilde had prepared for them before leaving to visit with some of her friends. They had just finished some sandwiches and begun on their coffee.

Duo sat sprawled casually in his chair, his hands wrapped around his mug, and a look of preoccupation about him.

Heero sat across from him watching impassively, waiting for his friend to air his thoughts, and enjoying the momentary respite from Duo's chatter.

Duo sighed forcefully, "right," he said, and turned purposefully to his silent friend.

"So… Heero..." Duo grinned. "Are you ready for your wedding night?"

Heero just glared back.

"What I mean is; you _do_ know it will be different with her, right? And I don't just mean because you love her."

More glaring. Duo was starting to look uncomfortable. His eyes were darting around to look anywhere but at his friend.

"Uh…" he stalled, running his finger around his collar, "have you ever been with a virgin before, Heero?"

While not noticeable, Heero was becoming increasingly uncomfortable with this discussion. Embarrassed as he was, he had to remind himself that he had the ability to control his own body, including his heart rate, which had saved his life on more than one occasion. Most memorably the time he had been captured by the Earth forces (Duo's fault) and held in a lab, until Duo had (graciously) aided in his escape. Heero was not going to let a little thing like a blush get past him. He consoled himself with a good death glare and low growl.

Duo had the grace to look uncomfortable himself. Heero quietly watched with interest as Duo shifted awkwardly in his seat, nearly squirming.

"Look Heero, I'm only talking to you about this because Hilde wants me to. She says it's important, too important to let a blockhead man," he raised his hands in concession, "her words not mine, screw it up."

Heero continued to watch in silence as Duo made a show of standing and fixing himself another cup of coffee."Virgins are different, Heero." Duo began again, studying his coffee as though it were the solution to all the world's mysteries, if only he were to look hard enough. "And 'jousan… she's a princess, a queen actually. And Hilde wanted me to tell you that virgins, particularly well bred ones, have delicate sensibilities."

"I would not describe Relena's sensibilities as delicate," offered Heero, surprising Duo enough to look up from his cup.

"Maybe not," he conceded, "but you'd be surprised how different things – people – can be when it comes to sex." He shrugged, his eyes turning distant. "Even the bravest, most fearless woman can be… frightened on her first time."

Heero very much feared Duo may be remembering an experience from his own past.

"'Jousan's different," Duo began again. "She's not like some girl you just pick up at a bar. You have to be careful with her, slower, more gentle. You _do_ know that it hurts a girl on her first time, right? You don't want to hurt her more than you have to, and you don't want to scare her either." His words came faster and faster. "If you don't do it just right… a bad enough first time can frighten a girl away from sex altogether."

"Are you giving me 'the talk' Duo?" Heero raised an eyebrow in sardonic amusement. "Because I don't think I need your help in my relationship with Relena."

"Don't you?" Asked Duo, raising his own eyebrows, daring his friend to question his superior knowledge on all things sex.

"How many women have you been with, Heero?"

To which he was greeted by silence and a death glare.

And then the most extraordinary thing happened. Or at least most extraordinary from Duo's standpoint.

Heero blushed.

Yes, Duo decided, definitely a blush. He watched with fascination as the skin of Heero's cheeks lightly pinkened, the pink deepening and spreading.

Heero did not want to be talking about this. His rational mind did note that Duo, of anyone, was the best person to speak to for this type of thing. Even Heero couldn't hold back a blush this time.

"Oh my God, Heero!" said Duo. "No way!"

Duo was unable and unwilling to hold back his trademark grin. "You're a virgin, aren't you?" Duo felt he did an admirable job at holding back his snickers. "Who would have thought," he teased lightly, "the Perfect Soldier is an innocent little virgin."

He stopped at that, looking at his friend; a friend who was generally acknowledged to be the single most dangerous person in the known universe, with or without his Gundam.

"Okay, maybe innocent isn't a good word for you."

If it was possible, the death glare intensified.

"Though, I suppose it makes sense," Duo continued. "After all, you were trained to be the perfect soldier, a weapon, where would sex play a role in that?…" He turned to his friend, "This can be a good thing for Relena," he nodded encouragingly, "No slutty past of yours for her to deal with. No–"

Stopping in mid-stream, his face lost all expression, then he developed a look of dread, one that quickly grew into horror. Duo slowly dropped down to his chair, as though his mind was too consumed with thoughts to hold him up any longer. "Oh _no_." He looked over to a recomposed Heero. "Virgins aren't meant to lose it to other virgins, Heero! _Some_one's got to know what they're _doing_!" he said. "Man! There are just so many things that could go wrong there. A wrong move, too much pressure, you could cause her pain; you could send her into hysterics. You do not want to do this wrong, Heero."

Duo seemed so preoccupied with his own thoughts that Heero was considering just slipping out the door and leaving. Calculating how far he could go before Duo even noticed.

"Ah hell, it's not like I can tell you to go out and get yourself laid a few times for practice first. Hilde'd kill me. Wait a minute! Hilde!" Standing up, Duo headed into the back of the house, toward the bedrooms, motioning for Heero to follow. "I have an idea. Come on in here. Hilde's always–"

"I do not want details of your sex life, Duo." Heero interrupted demandingly. He knew that Hilde had gone out with friends for the afternoon, so he was not worried about Duo including her in this strange and awkward conversation. But the thought that Duo might be bringing him back to his room to demonstrate some of his 'knowledge' about intimacy, greatly alarmed Heero.

"What? No, it's not that." He moved to a tall, five-drawer chest, opening one drawer. "These could help you."

'Please, do not let there be porn in that drawer,' thought Heero desperately.

He watched as Duo pulled out a handful of books, of all things, and grabbed a bag to begin stuffing them in, turning back for more.

"I know she's read all of these, so she shouldn't miss them. Besides," he held up the bag, grinning, "It's all in the name of help for you and Relena."

Heero did not make a move toward the bag. He just stared expressionlessly at his fellow Gundam pilot, then reached into the drawer to pull out another book; one with a cover depicting a couple in a passionate embrace. Noting that the woman looked surprisingly like Relena, Heero had to stop himself from wondering any further about what Relena might look like when flushed with passion, before he caused himself another blush.

Instead, "What is this?" he asked, satisfied by the complete lack of emotion his voice carried.

Duo's grin widened, "Think of it as…" he winked, "research!"

Duo then pushed the bag into his hands and steered him back out of the bedroom and toward the front door. "If you need any more, there's another drawer full. Just," he begged, "for the love of God, don't tell anyone about this. Hilde'll kill me if anyone learns she reads this stuff. She had a fit when _I_ found them. She–"

"Duo–"

"Look Heero, you've only got a month until the wedding. A month to read all that, absorb it, takes notes," he grinned again, "make plans, formulate strategies…"

Heero glared at his best man one more time; sure he was being mocked again.

"You owe it to Relena."

And so, Heero left the house, the bag inconspicuously clutched in one hand. As he made his way back to his vehicle, he could not shake the feeling that he was transporting illicit contraband.


End file.
